Do the impossible

With high hopes that I would pass my level 4 freestyle, I didn't. But I did pass with a 3++ with some good feedback. Mostly about my riding position- which I realize isn't as great. Mostly commented about my cantering. However I have really only felt comfortable cantering since my Jesse Peter clinic back in June. Before that I was too terrified about what was going to happen and couldn't relax and focus on my position. Jesse had me canter a circle around him, at the time I had two sticks and had to throw them down and pick up the reins. Focus on him and canter a circle, I can't say no to a Jesse challenge! (I could but wouldn't want to ;). Before I had never really used two reins at the canter, I don't really have a reason why other then I always used my sticks or a steady rein (one rein). It helped me become confident especially in a circle which is harder for both of us the rail is much easier. The experience was so freeing I didn't want to stop. The rest of the clinic I worked on cantering with two sticks. But if it wasn't for that experience I would have never felt confident. I now use that exercise with other horses that I am riding the canter for the first times. It helps keep my confidence up, putting my focus in that moment. 

Recently I had a heart to heart with a coworker who I hadn't had much conversation with before. I worried (as I always do) if she liked me and and if she thought I was doing a good job. Turns out she does think I am doing a good job, and she thought I was a very confident person. On the inside and in my head I still feel like that little unconfident girl, I haven't let go of the past. The moments of unconfidence arestill  much greater then the times of confidence. With the lifestyle change, huge move across the country, new people, and basically new life, I have had to quickly learn the lesson of 'not taking it personal'. Which has always been difficult for me but a lesson overdue to learn. Even though in my head I don't feel more confident I know my actions are showing confidence in every part of my life. The negative and self-degrading thoughts that would normally go through my head are slowly being replaced with positive or 'who cares' thoughts. I even talked to the cute ski lift operator! It used to be hard to call the pizza guy, yes the pizza guy. And as hard as it is to admit that, it's true. 

I have an overwhelming feeling when I think about how far Annabelle and I have come in just two years. It feels much longer then that. It's so exciting to think about where I will be in 2 more years. I have never been so exciting about learning. 

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible" - Walt Disney