Being in a constant mind frame of change is not easy. Knowing that life
is all about constant change doesn't help either. It causes the people
around you to either change with you
or stay where they are, and sometimes where they are is not where you
want to be anymore. Its like a forest, the strongest, bravest, most courageous trees will grow to the top and have the best view. The others
that can't prevail for whatever reason will be
left behind. The tallest tress don't stunt their growth for the others
or the forest would be a lot less beautiful. As I grow especially in the
past few months it has taken a lot out of me, physically and
emotionally. I am requiring a lot more sleep, (that
I don't have the time for anyways). An uphill battle for positive
change and adaptation. I don't believe I am fully responsible for others
to change with me but I am responsible for communicating what I am going
through. Which is why I am here today writing
this blog. Most of you know my story, at least parts of it. But my
story is a part of Annabelle's story which is how it fits into this blog.
Everyone in life has struggles, has hard times, and its how we react to
these things that make us who we are today.
I have always chosen to fight, to fight for the truth. "If change was easy, everyone would be
changing" The move back to Michigan has required more growth in such a
short amount of time then anything I have experienced before. Growing up
being bullied at school and living in an abusive
home I had my mom there to help us through and my counselor that I saw
every week. Ever since I was little I knew what my dad did was wrong. I
didn't take the blame for my parents divorce. With the change in the
past couple months I feel responsible for the
people who aren't changing with me. These people are rejecting my way of
living and I'm experiencing frequent anxiety, worry, and its hard to focus. I tell myself crying more is okay because it tells me there is a lot of emotional hurt that needs to leave my body. Having parts of my past creep back in and dealing with the
present has been an emotional roller coaster. Staying focused on the
positive is hard. For one of the first times in my life in order to be happy I have to be happy with me, with Allison. How can I change my life for the better
and feel ashamed for that in the process?
I want this for me, I want to feel better and be healthier. The scale doesn't dictate if I'm loved and accepted. If I believe that I am worthy of love and respect now, I will invite courage compassion and connection into my life. I want to figure this out for me, I can do this.
This is the path I choose, change, life, light.
